This is the first post in what I think will be a series of posts unpacking some of the comments author, Laura Doyle, left on the Red Pill Women reddit. Its truly a gold mine of material. I will preface what is about to come with I am 110% for the general theme of what she advocates but their is a certain femdom twist to what she is selling that can easily be missed, not to mention the attitude of “I’m a special princess and my husband’s job is to make me happy”.
To start she says:
“Since surrendering, I have to admit I spend a lot less time thinking about how to please my man because I know he’s so happy when he pleases me. I think I’m receiving about 100 to 1 around here now, and he loves it and I love it. I do express a lot of gratitude. I’m super grateful to be treated like the princess every day, and to hear how I’m beautiful and never have to put gas in my car and on and on. I can’t thank him enough, but I definitely try!”
This is traditional feminism at its finest where women are so pampered and treasured they shouldn’t even have to be burdened with the horror of putting gas in their cars. Seriously, there is nothing challenging, back breaking or even annoying about putting gas in your car. Its part of being a competent adult. If I were a man, I might think if you she can’t put gas in her car maybe she shouldn’t even have one. Of course it will be argued, its not that she “can’t” its that if a man wants to do something nice for her, why begrudge him? I get that to a point and my beef is more how it comes across –“I’m a special snowflake cause my man loves me so much I don’t have to put gas in my car and you too can have such a cushy life if you just follows these simple steps”. Frankly, speaking for myself and I think a good portion of women, we don’t want our men doing such things. We want to be seen as first officers, competent, willing, and even enjoying to do the more mundane things of life. There is nothing like putting in a hard day of work. The more dirty and sweatier, often the more fulfilling. A day of luxury at home with full make-up and dress makes me feel lethargic and unproductive. To a degree, I have a Victorian outlook on womanhood, but as it relates to the lower and middle class Victorian women who did hard work day in and out, not the wealthy aristocratic Victorian women.
There is a variety of Victorian traditionalism out there that says women should live a pampered life of ease while the man goes out and does all the hard work; after-all she is the fairer, more delicate sex and she should not be exposed to chores that are not lady-like. The point here is would she or any woman still submit if he didn’t fill her car with gas, didn’t treat her like a princess, didn’t tell her how beautiful she is? Submitting and writing all these things is so easy when the man makes it easy to submit.
“Speaking of extroverted attention-seeking. I just wrote a book that kills off a whole class of mental-health professionals, for example. Am I insecure? Sometimes! Terrified at other times. Jealous at times too, (though rarely around my husband–more when I see other relationship experts having a big platform and giving out lame advice like, “Marriage is hard work.” Yes, Dr. Phil–I mean you.) We’re all vulnerable. It’s part of what connects us. We’ve all made mistakes. We all fear being ejected from the tribe, or being unlovable. “
Saying “marriage is hard work” is lame advice? That’s nuts. Of course its hard work, but Mrs. Doyle’s books and advice suggest you just need a set of certain skills and its all easy breezy. Nothing is ever that simple when you are dealing with complex human beings. The fine ladies around these parts have even written on the “struggles” of marriage, that its suppose to be a struggle, that is how you know its good and true. Those who claim its easy for them, or specifically submitting are easily written off as not knowing mature love or not being married long enough to really understand. These are the same women who idolize this author. So, which is it–is marriage hard work or isn’t it?
In Mrs. Doyle’s new book, there is a quiz section where she asks whether the following is true or false: “For a marriage to improve, both people have to work at it”. She answers by saying this is false; that “women have far more power in a relationship and therefore have he ability to revitalize the intimacy of a marriage single handedly. Men rise to the occasion, but women set the tone.”
Whatever happened to the old adage it takes “two to tango”? I admit women can have a lot of influence, even as much as 80% but to say that singlehandedly they can save a relationship or marriage is unrealistic. You can have a lot of power or influence but in the end you can’t change people if they don’t want to change or participate in the relationship. If this is true maybe women singlehanedely can cure a lot more of the world’s problem. Maybe they can get the alcoholic and drug addicts sober. Maybe an alcoholic doesn’t need to have to WANT to change, but that she can make him change just by being magical woman. Both partners need to communicate and work together to solve problems and if believing such is false, then all this does is set up false hope for women. When they fail at changing men or their marriage, they beat themselves up cause after all, she ALONE has the powers to solve everything and if she can’t solve everything she is a miserable failure.
Also, “men rise to the occasion, but women set the tone” suggests that women are the leaders. Women set the tone, raise the bar and its the man’s job to submit or rise to that bar. Men love women like Mrs. Doyle and her followers because it relieves him of any work. He can just kick back and blame everything on the woman because she hasn’t set the tone yet for him to respond to.