This is a well balanced article on the sins men and women can both engage in during marriage.
One part in particular sticks out, Doug Wilson says:
“In conservative circles, there can be the problem of pseudo-submissiveness. Many wives want their husbands to take the initiative, seize the leadership… as long as they do what the wife would have wanted them to. But see Eph. 5:24.”
Case in point, check out this quote from a godly woman:
“I know for me, when I spent all those years nagging my husband, telling him what to do, criticizing him often, being negative to him, and had a hateful tone of voice and a scowl on my face – I repelled him. But now that he has felt honored and respected for years in our marriage and he feels welcome with me and safe with me – all I have to do is ask him to do something once. Most of the time he will do it and do it pretty quickly. Not all the time. And that is okay. I don’t want to be a dictator anymore. But if he can help me, he will. He does SO MUCH MORE for me now than he ever did when I was condescending and demanding and resentful that he didn’t meet all of my spoken and unspoken expectations.”
Did you get that? All she has to do is ask him to do something once. Submission and godliness often comes down to a backhanded way to get what the woman wants. With nagging, you might get what you want after the 10th hissy fit, but with being respectful you get it on the first try–much more efficient! No, she doesn’t want to be a hard dictator, but a soft dictator is okay. Its all about ME, what he can do for me! Does that sound like a helpmate? Its not about what she can do for him, but how she can treat him to get more for her. When you are submissive, he gets compliant and you just have to ask once! Pseudo-submission at its finest, but generally this is missed by most as the words of godly women drip with so much honey