Angry Bird

Men Stuck on the Negativity Carousel

From a man who flies around the Angry Bird nest:

chokingonredpills says:

“I’m getting married this Saturday and this video does nothing to give me any assurance at all about my future. My hope should be in the Lord but when I see the tons of men who were badly burnt by marriage (and their rebellious wives), I worry.”

If this man cares about his pending marriage he will stop emerging himself in the negativity of badly burned men. Women are frequently advised to do the same. For women, hanging around a bunch of bitter feminists or man hating women does not bode well for her marriage. It is hard not to succumb to the negativity no matter how determined you are to not get sucked in. Men are afraid to get married not necessarily because of women but because they go around in this circle feeding off each other. They can’t get off the carousel of negativity. A few squeaky wheels with bad experiences keep men in a perpetual state of fear rather than growth. After all, misery loves company.
I have to wonder too if his bride has any idea of his involvement with red pill blogs? Does she know he is hanging around men setting him up for failure with their negativity? For example here is some of the advise he is getting:

jsolbakken says:

chokingonredpills, you should change your handle to chokingonbluepills.

You do not have to get married. Chances are you will regret it most grievously if you do get married. Even if you don’t get divorce-raped, you will still likely be miserable in a situation where you have no rights and no respect and no alternatives and no escape. Like the guy above said, you can end your obligation to
your wife but NEVER can you escape your obligations to your ex-wife!!!!”

This suggests he will be “dying inside”….oh wait that’s not a real thing–at least it isn’t when women feel no escape.

bluepillprofessor says:

@chokingonredpills: I am getting married.

I hope you have read the sidebar on Married Red Pill.

“Watch for the 5 pounds a year trick (and 20 pounds for each baby) along withthe slow and (I believe) very deliberate, and almost immediate (as in, ON THE HONEYMOON OR SHORTLY AFTER) reigning in of your sex life.”
Keep your friends. Spend a couple nights a week away from home. Ignore her for 24 hours the first time she breaks the marriage vows (and turns you down for sex). Pray.”

Ignore her? Yup, that will work great. That leads to my next point–communication.

Instead of the advice above, how about this–try communicating with your future wife about your concerns. Wussy men ignore problems, dominant men confront. If a man is too afraid to do that, to be open and honest, then 1) He is weak and will not make a good, effective leader in the first place (but that’s OK because he can blame his weakness on her); 2)He really shouldn’t get married–not because of what the wife may or may not do–but because he simply doesn’t have the balls for it or the confidence in himself to lead his wife and stamp out rebellion at first whiff.

Newsflash: Life, including marriage, involves risk–it is the very nature of being alive. So, men (and women) should be up for the challenge, the adventure, and whatever it may bring –or if totally risk adverse, become a hermit who only comes out of his shell for the rush of being a keyboard warrior. Or be something like this man who says “Me: 45. Never married. No children. No relationships ever. Somehow, I feel like I’m the winner in this new age.” Funny, feminists say the same thing.  Dying alone is celebrated by men and women in this new age.

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5 thoughts on “Men Stuck on the Negativity Carousel

  1. Amy,
    I think I saw the update from the groom on some blog, but didn’t catch that part of the story.Yeah, so how did he not know that before hand about cooking. You picked her! And being on vacation why not pick a place with inclusive meals or go out (yikes, I know though eating out isn’t godly, maybe she felt some guilt about doing that).

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  2. I feel like this post deserves a bump and some comments.

    Some thoughts:

    1. Why hang around getting advice from guys who have (by their own admission) failed at the undertaking you are seeking advice about?

    2. How about reading “Boundaries in Marriage”? Great book. I don’t agree with absolutely everything in it, but it’s a good place to start. Read up on positive reinforcement is also a good idea. Both ideas (boundaries and positive reinforcement) will also be helpful when you have children.

    If you’re scared by something as blue pill sounding as “boundaries,” don’t be scared! They’re called “frame” in manospherese.

    3. “Spend a couple nights a week away from home.” We all know what they would say about a wife who did the same thing…Sauce for the goose is apparently not sauce for the gander.

    4. “almost immediate (as in, ON THE HONEYMOON OR SHORTLY AFTER) reigning in of your sex life.””

    So, just out of pure perversity? For no reason at all? Not going to try to find out if there might be some sort of fixable problem or misunderstanding?

    5. “Ignore her for 24 hours the first time she breaks the marriage vows (and turns you down for sex).”

    I think we know how they would feel if she did exactly the same thing.

    Not very serious suggestion for wife of manosphere guy: if this is an issue, wake him up every two hours asking for your “rights” until he realizes that a) some requests for marital sex are unreasonable and b) we should be considerate of our spouse, even with regard to sex.

    6. Stone said: Instead of the advice above, how about this–try communicating with your future wife about your concerns.” Yeah. And keep doing it.

    7. “… he simply doesn’t have the balls for it or the confidence in himself to lead his wife and stamp out rebellion at first whiff.”

    I don’t like the term “rebellion” as used in the Christian manosphere, because at least half the time, it’s manospherese for “principled disagreement” or “needing more information to get on board.”

    But I do agree that a lot of these Dalrock guy suggestions stink of weakness and passive aggression.

    8. Stone said: “Newsflash: Life, including marriage, involves risk–it is the very nature of being alive.”

    Yes. I also think they worry about the wrong things. Of course, Dalrock guys ought to be worried about divorce (because they are setting themselves up for it big time), but a more normal guy would have 99 other problems to deal with. It would be something like, “my two year old isn’t talking” or “I think my 5th grader is getting bullied” or “my 13-year-old is mouthy” or “I think I’m going to get laid off” or “my business is failing” or “we’ve got termites” or “my dad has six months to live.”

    But if a problem is one that you can’t immediately blame the wife for, it doesn’t exist.

    9. There was an update from the groom. They got married and went on what sounded like a long driving honeymoon where they needed to cook their own dinners. He thought he would drive and she would cook. He was chagrined to discover that his new bride couldn’t come up with cooking ideas and he had to do the decision-making in the grocery store and the cooking. My take:

    a) Big ol’ communication and planning fail there, buddy.
    b) Maybe this is just me, but how about a shorter honeymoon with some eating out?
    c) His original plan reminds me a lot of the infamous Pearl honeymoon story:

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/2014/07/quoting-quiverfull-michael-and-debi-pearls-honeymoon/

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  3. The Christian manospherean is a perfect illustration of the double minded man in James 1:8. He acknowledges the sanctity of marriage but only as an outlet for his sexual release.

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