Angry Bird

Newlywed Man Whines about not Getting his “fairy tale ending”

Back in this post I quoted a man who was was having second thoughts on getting married this summer. I pointed out that a lot of his fears come from hanging around other negative men online. This has definitely proven true in light of his recent comment below. Its a self-fulfilling prophecy. Keep in mind this man has been married maybe all of three months and he is already whining about marriage. Imagine if this was a woman saying these things as a newlywed. Its clear as can be this man should have never married and now some woman is going to carry the blame for his mistake.

chokingonredpills says:
September 11, 2016 at 8:36 am
There is a difference now — a stark one, even — when I think about the things I could do as a single man and the things I have to do now as a husband.

I have to think about moving a preloved frosted glass table (for our study) that will be a work table for the wife, from the previous owner’s home to ours (which has been newly refurbished). I have to think about solving the problem of a space to put her shampoo, body shower foam, conditioner and facial wash in the cramped shower area while taking into consideration her fear that whatever container we buy from IKEA to hold them may just fall and hit her leg. The lights at the vanity table are of the wrong color and I have to communicate this (and all other feedback) to our interior designer/project manager. This will continue when we move in, because there will be tons of stuff I have to take care of as we get used to our own home.

If I were single? I have to deal with things that affect me only — if things don’t work too well, I could still live with it or adapt — but now, I have to find ways to solve my wife’s problem. If it doesn’t get solved or a certain solution is not something she wants, I have to deal with the emotional fallout.

Sadly, I’ve come to the point now when…. If a young man were to ask for my advice about marriage, I would lay down all the cards on the table for him — that marriage is extremely far from a fairy tale ending. There are no “happy ever afters” without an incessant barrage of self-sacrifice and neverending responsibilities.

Did he not think about the differences before marriage–about what its like to be a husband vs a single man? Seriously?! I mean heaven forbid you have to actually think about someone else besides yourself, yes, that is what marriage is all about. This man now has to THINK and solve problems. Its just such a burdensome task and its all her fault. If you are single then of course you have to deal with things that affect you only. Oh the horror!! He has to find ways to help his wife’s problem. Well, lets see, that is kinda what happens when you don’t want intelligent submission. The woman rather looks to you for an answer to everything. They would much prefer an independent, even feminist woman who is use to fixing problems on her own. If he is a strong man an “emotional fallout” will not move him, but clearly he is worried and afraid of her emotions. If she is really that emotional, you picked her!

Look how after 3 months or so he has already given up on marriage. He wants to warn men its no fairy tale! Despite other men of his caliber giving him warnings about marriage he goes and does the same thing. Its like these men love to inflict self-abuse, love to make these mistakes so they can have something new to whine about (it gives them clout in the manosphere, makes for a good story).

The manosphere want women to be attracted to men like these. Yes, its so attractive when a man can’t figure out where to put a shampoo bottle. Its so attractive his whining over moving a table. Its so attractive that he has a fear of communication. Its so attractive that he is online complaining about his wife while she probably has no idea.  These sorts of men marry so they can use the woman as a scapegoat to hide behind all their problems, weaknesses, and to never have to take accountability. He wants his “happily ever after” after 3 months or so. Yet women are told and do stay in crappy marriages for decades before they get that. All good things in life take WORK! So, yes that involves sacrifice and responsibility. If you want your happily ever after, you got to WORK for it! There is no free lunch. There is no better response to all of this and I will say it again–you picked her, suck it up!

Here is some music for the men who don’t get their happy ending after a few months. They can sing this while in the shower trying to figure out where to put the shampoo bottles.

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27 thoughts on “Newlywed Man Whines about not Getting his “fairy tale ending”

  1. Maea said:

    “Their PURF-ect quad of foreign girls aren’t going to come with their own set of values, expectations, and cultural mores. They’re all super traditional AND willing to set aside those traditions for those of the men…uh-huh.”

    Riiiight.

    Like

  2. I find it amusing to note that the spherian guys are always the ones who promote marrying a woman from an outside culture, and all the time they don’t clue to the fact intercultural differences matter. Their PURF-ect quad of foreign girls aren’t going to come with their own set of values, expectations, and cultural mores. They’re all super traditional AND willing to set aside those traditions for those of the men…uh-huh.

    *popcorn*

    Like

  3. Married men or men looking to marry should NOT approach the manosphere for advice on how to have healthy and stable Christian marriages. It’s akin to women asking EPL types for advice on how to have healthy and stable marriages. It just ain’t gonna happen.

    Is CoRP a native Singaporean? Are he and his wife both Singaporean? If so, he is better off consulting what is normal for his culture and marriage, which is probably more stable than what the manosphere’s got to offer.

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  4. “I have a fairy tale marriage, a messy, real life fairytale, a bit flawed and rough around the edges, but truly a love story with many fairytale moments. It was built on exactly that, “an incessant barrage of self-sacrifice and never ending responsibilities,” both for myself and my husband.”

    Yes! The key to a great marriage in a nutshell.

    Like

  5. Eavan said:

    “From CORP’s site: In a bid to strike a balance, I’ve bought the Chinese version of C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity for my wife.””

    Wait–he has a blog? He’s blogging this trainwreck?

    Like

  6. LOL! This guy has missed the whole point, but he unwittingly answered his own riddle, “There are no “happy ever afters” without an incessant barrage of self-sacrifice and never ending responsibilities.”

    I have a fairy tale marriage, a messy, real life fairytale, a bit flawed and rough around the edges, but truly a love story with many fairytale moments. It was built on exactly that, “an incessant barrage of self-sacrifice and never ending responsibilities,” both for myself and my husband.

    This guy reminds me of one of the Shrek movies. Prince Valiant or Prince Charming or something, way up in the saddle and looking quite good. When they take him down of his horse, his fake legs remain in the stirrups and he’s really only about four feet tall.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. From CORP’s site: In a bid to strike a balance, I’ve bought the Chinese version of C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity for my wife.”

    Poor girl.

    Like

  8. Honeymoon was in Australia based on this

    chokingonredpills says:
    June 27, 2016 at 10:31 pm
    We were on our honeymoon recently. It was a self-drive holiday Down Under.

    So, I think the suggestion here about grocery shopping in a strange country is very true. That would be hard to navigate. And of all times to eat out and indulge, vacations and especially honeymoons are the time. There will be plenty of cooking at home to be done once reality sets in.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Anonymous said:

    “That was also the line of “Fascinating Womanhood”. Personally, I do not think this is a good idea at all. It makes you look completely helpless and pretty soon it is regarded as manipulation. It also makes the wife eventually feel resentful if she is normal at all — nobody likes to be seen as a helpless incompetent, man or woman. And, it also means a lot of things don’t get done at all or don’t get done correctly. I suspect this type of behavior contributed a great deal to second wave feminism taking off like a rocket.”

    Right.

    Like

  10. “Did this couple get any premarital counseling at all?”

    Ah, but you’re forgetting something, the only acceptable premarital counseling is admonishing the wife according to Ephesians and 1 Peter. The husband is always right.

    “If they were honeymooning in a country that was foreign to her, the grocery store would be very challenging.”

    Of course. Currency exchange can be a nightmare and trying to keep it all straight in your head lest you get ripped off.

    But the ‘spherians want a perfect servant who does everything perfectly, the first time, all the time. How about a robot, “Stepford Wives” anyone?

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  11. (I think that was a standard of 1950s husband-management wisdom.)

    That was also the line of “Fascinating Womanhood”. Personally, I do not think this is a good idea at all. It makes you look completely helpless and pretty soon it is regarded as manipulation. It also makes the wife eventually feel resentful if she is normal at all — nobody likes to be seen as a helpless incompetent, man or woman. And, it also means a lot of things don’t get done at all or don’t get done correctly. I suspect this type of behavior contributed a great deal to second wave feminism taking off like a rocket.

    Like

  12. And then given the cultural differences that I know nothing of (didn’t know he was in Singapore), who the hell knows what’s what.

    I didn’t realize there was that cultural difference to consider.

    but to be fair, there are no good places to go for that, lol.

    Indeed.

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  13. There have been times and places where it’s regarded as being good wifing to make sure to ask husband for help even when you don’t need it, just in order to build up his self-esteem. (I think that was a standard of 1950s husband-management wisdom.)

    Did this couple get any premarital counseling at all?

    Also, was the honeymoon on her home turf? If they were honeymooning in a country that was foreign to her, the grocery store would be very challenging.

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  14. Elspeth, who really knows. It sounded like she complained to him about the lights. And then given the cultural differences that I know nothing of (didn’t know he was in Singapore), who the hell knows what’s what. On the honeymoon thing it sounded like he just took over and then complained to Dalrockians about all the extra work, when he could have just let her figure it out.

    It sounds like neither of them was prepared for any of this and they’ve taken on too much with the reno and all. Saying the grocery store food she picked was “a bit pricey” maybe took the wind out of her sails too, so yeah. Maybe her befuddlement came from not knowing what he liked. Maybe just give her a budget and have her figure it out, y’know? And if she doesn’t do it perfectly, be charitable and then help but don’t take over the whole task.

    But again, who really knows when you only get one side and there are cultural differences. Either way, a bunch of guys who are mostly pretty sour on women in general may not be the best place to go for marriage help, but to be fair, there are no good places to go for that, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. The trajectory of this thread reminds me of when we bought our house. The husband gave his requirements concerning zip codes and schools, then left me to set appointments with the realtor then go out and look. When we found something I thought might work, he then made time to come and see it. Lots of authority delegated to me, and yet still, somehow, he managed to be the indisputable king of his castle.

    Fear, when irrational and left unchecked, is a dangerous thing. It can sink a relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Looks like he chose a princess and expected a farm wife. This is the male equivalent of choosing a “bad boy” and expecting a responsible hard worker.

    I’m not so sure, AA. She could be a princess, but It could also be a case of reading too many articles and commentary suggesting that he can’t trust his wife with anything (even picking light fixtures!). It’s easy to construe the party line as if leaving her to make any decisions sans his input and approval is tantamount to giving her the reins.

    You don’t want to feed into her natural desire to rebel and take control!

    Like

  17. “Another thought–he’s a newlywed. Shouldn’t a good Christian man who has been chastely single for years be preoccupied with other things than shampoo bottles and tables at this very interesting stage of life?”

    Ha ha. 🙂 Give him time, pretty soon he’ll start whining about his wife “sinfully refusing” because she can’t stay awake long enough for him to do an all-nighter, or because she’s vomiting 24/7 from the resulting pregnancy.

    He’s going to continue in this vein until he decides he’s tired of being a whiny crybaby, and all these supposedly “mature Christian men” are enabling him to be a whiny crybaby. Can you imagine the fallout if a woman were acting like this?! Ye gads…..

    Like

  18. Looks like he chose a princess and expected a farm wife. This is the male equivalent of choosing a “bad boy” and expecting a responsible hard worker.

    Like

  19. Eavan said:

    “His observation: This expecting the perfect little woman is no different than women expecting a romantic ideal – they’re both fantasies, but one fantasy is considered Biblical and the other evil.”

    That is a VERY interesting observation.

    Another thought–he’s a newlywed. Shouldn’t a good Christian man who has been chastely single for years be preoccupied with other things than shampoo bottles and tables at this very interesting stage of life?

    Like

  20. My husband and I chatted about this at dinner this evening. His observation: This expecting the perfect little woman is no different than women expecting a romantic ideal – they’re both fantasies, but one fantasy is considered Biblical and the other evil.

    Like

  21. Aethelfrith said:

    “I wonder why conservative Christians are always seeking rapprochement with serial philanderers.”

    That is a very good question.

    My theory is that there are male carousel watchers…

    Liked by 1 person

  22. I wonder why conservative Christians are always seeking rapprochement with serial philanderers. It’s not mixing peanut butter and chocolate to get Reese’s–it’s mixing cabernet and sludge to get sludge.

    I remember years ago when Vox Day tried to make his Alpha Game blog more of a group effort and his token Omega writer came from a Mormon background. If there is any American subculture more conducive to marriage and family formation, I haven’t heard of it. Unfortunately, this young man traded being a suboptimal Mormon for being a suboptimal pick up artist and as far as I can tall, has received nothing of both worlds.

    Like

  23. There’s so much self-sabotage in this situation.

    I can’t even imagine myself as a newlywed doing what he is doing–whining to strangers on the internet about my new spouse rather than talking. I remember having a fair amount of newlywed fights with my husband but 1) I wasn’t whining on the internet about them or to friends or family and 2) we actually worked out a lot of solutions that have served us well ever since 3) I saw the good in my husband–chokingonredpills has never said a single positive word about his fiancee/wife 4) we had just a one-bedroom apartment as our domain for the first three years–no homeownership or maintenance worries.

    This is one of the reasons that I think courting and engaged couples ought to spend a lot of time together doing basic everyday stuff together–that way you don’t run into nearly as many surprises as chokingonredpills has been.

    And I agree with Stone about “intelligent submission.” This is what you get when the man is supposed to be 100% of the brains in the marriage.

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  24. This post gets a five star rating. Ooohh, this is good.

    “Well, lets see, that is kinda what happens when you don’t want intelligent submission. The woman rather looks to you for an answer to everything. They would much prefer an independent, even feminist woman who is use to fixing problems on her own.”

    And this one deserves its own five star rating as a stand-alone comment.

    Stone, you should write a book. It will end up a best-seller.

    Like

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