Back in this post I quoted a man who was was having second thoughts on getting married this summer. I pointed out that a lot of his fears come from hanging around other negative men online. This has definitely proven true in light of his recent comment below. Its a self-fulfilling prophecy. Keep in mind this man has been married maybe all of three months and he is already whining about marriage. Imagine if this was a woman saying these things as a newlywed. Its clear as can be this man should have never married and now some woman is going to carry the blame for his mistake.
September 11, 2016 at 8:36 am
There is a difference now — a stark one, even — when I think about the things I could do as a single man and the things I have to do now as a husband.
I have to think about moving a preloved frosted glass table (for our study) that will be a work table for the wife, from the previous owner’s home to ours (which has been newly refurbished). I have to think about solving the problem of a space to put her shampoo, body shower foam, conditioner and facial wash in the cramped shower area while taking into consideration her fear that whatever container we buy from IKEA to hold them may just fall and hit her leg. The lights at the vanity table are of the wrong color and I have to communicate this (and all other feedback) to our interior designer/project manager. This will continue when we move in, because there will be tons of stuff I have to take care of as we get used to our own home.
If I were single? I have to deal with things that affect me only — if things don’t work too well, I could still live with it or adapt — but now, I have to find ways to solve my wife’s problem. If it doesn’t get solved or a certain solution is not something she wants, I have to deal with the emotional fallout.
Sadly, I’ve come to the point now when…. If a young man were to ask for my advice about marriage, I would lay down all the cards on the table for him — that marriage is extremely far from a fairy tale ending. There are no “happy ever afters” without an incessant barrage of self-sacrifice and neverending responsibilities.
Did he not think about the differences before marriage–about what its like to be a husband vs a single man? Seriously?! I mean heaven forbid you have to actually think about someone else besides yourself, yes, that is what marriage is all about. This man now has to THINK and solve problems. Its just such a burdensome task and its all her fault. If you are single then of course you have to deal with things that affect you only. Oh the horror!! He has to find ways to help his wife’s problem. Well, lets see, that is kinda what happens when you don’t want intelligent submission. The woman rather looks to you for an answer to everything. They would much prefer an independent, even feminist woman who is use to fixing problems on her own. If he is a strong man an “emotional fallout” will not move him, but clearly he is worried and afraid of her emotions. If she is really that emotional, you picked her!
Look how after 3 months or so he has already given up on marriage. He wants to warn men its no fairy tale! Despite other men of his caliber giving him warnings about marriage he goes and does the same thing. Its like these men love to inflict self-abuse, love to make these mistakes so they can have something new to whine about (it gives them clout in the manosphere, makes for a good story).
The manosphere want women to be attracted to men like these. Yes, its so attractive when a man can’t figure out where to put a shampoo bottle. Its so attractive his whining over moving a table. Its so attractive that he has a fear of communication. Its so attractive that he is online complaining about his wife while she probably has no idea. These sorts of men marry so they can use the woman as a scapegoat to hide behind all their problems, weaknesses, and to never have to take accountability. He wants his “happily ever after” after 3 months or so. Yet women are told and do stay in crappy marriages for decades before they get that. All good things in life take WORK! So, yes that involves sacrifice and responsibility. If you want your happily ever after, you got to WORK for it! There is no free lunch. There is no better response to all of this and I will say it again–you picked her, suck it up!
Here is some music for the men who don’t get their happy ending after a few months. They can sing this while in the shower trying to figure out where to put the shampoo bottles.