Why? Well its selfish of course to expect your partner to spend a little time getting to know you, what really makes you tick. Its not biblical.
“It seemed selfish to me and is just another way to place too high of expectations upon others, especially our husbands.”
Yeah, its expecting too much that in a marriage you might want such things as touch, words of affection, etc. Women should certainly not place too high of an expectation that they or their husbands might want sex. Its selfish to want those things, you see.
She claims to know someone who unfriends anyone who doesn’t speak her language. Come on! That is an extreme example. Most people do not treat the book that way. In that case, such a woman is making the book an idol rather than using it as a tool to learn.
“Almost every single popular self-improvement, devotional, or marriage book of our day is not worth spending time on unless it is biblical.”
And of course her book is biblical! I find what is biblical is very subjective to each person based on their interpretation. Also, why need any other book than besides the bible if every other book has to be biblical? Seems the bible should be good enough and all these Christian self-help books should go away.
“Maybe a wife loves quality time together since this is her love language, but her husband works so hard to support the family that he doesn’t have time to fulfill this desire of hers. Another one loves to receive gifts, but the husband is a terrible gift giver. Many women love words of affirmation, but maybe you are married to a man who doesn’t give these to you. Others love lots of affections and the other spouse doesn’t. Do you realize that none of these are how the Bible defines love? “
Maybe a husband loves getting sex since touch is his love language, but the wife works so hard at home home everyday with four or more young children; cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, etc, that she doesn’t have the time or energy to fulfill this desire of his. See how that works? But of course the godly advise is women are suppose to make time for sex no matter how tired they are. Yet it is asking too much for the men to adjust their schedules or put a little thought into a gift now and then. When it comes to sex being a man’s love language (i.e. touch) that is always taken very seriously. But wait is sex how the bible defines love?
“This book seems like it has hurt marriages more than helps unless one spouse uses the book to find out what the other spouse’s love language is and proceeds to love them in the way they like. This is good since we are called to please our husband and in order to please them, we must ask them what they like. However, this book could easily cause us to be too introspective and figure out what our love language is instead of loving others as the Lord has called us to love them in 1 Corinthians 13. “
But of course Lori’s book or specifically her blog could never hurt marriages because its “biblical”. There is a lot from her blog that caused trouble in my marriage. Of course I will be blamed for this (I did it wrong or misread her wrong). Its good if the book helps us please our husbands, but not good I suppose if its used to help husbands please their wives or at least help understand their wives better. Wives are not allowed to expect anything good from marriage. Its suppose to be a life of serve, serve, serve, with nothing in return. We are suppose to shut up, suffer in silence and rather live in day dreams of “dwelling on the lovely things” as a way to escape.
Too introspective? Yikes, you mean like make us think? A good Christian never thinks of course but blindly follows the bible. Figuring out your love language and your husband’s love language is not at odd with loving others. You can do both! In fact, figuring out their love language shows to me that you are willing to learn more about the person, do a little research. Some of the men out there will hate this because they would rather have a wife you can set on a shelf and forget. They don’t want to have to do any work on the relationship. These are the men who will love Lori for saying these sorts of things as it validates them.
Now to end on a funny note Lori says she is now requiring applications to join her chat room, to make sure people have good intentions. Control freaks never get over themselves. Seriously, an application? People can lie on applications. If I was a young woman really seeking help all the hoop jumping would just turn me off and I would go elsewhere. And remember the road to hell is paved with good intentions.