Feminized Men · Godly Women · Submission · Traditionalist Bird

If you are Yelled at by your Husband, you Must be the Enemy

The below exchange is found at The Transformed Wife (linked in the dates of the comments). I interjected my commentary throughout Trey’s response.
another says:

“So even if you are honorable and respectable towards your husband, but they constantly yell at you, what does one do? It’s difficult in the flesh to submit to someone who yells at you and your children. I understand we are to submit but at times I find myself with a massive headache because I don’t know what I’m doing wrong for him to lash out at me. What advice would you give in a situation like this?”

  1. “I am assuming you are a Christian here. First of all, consider the possibility that you are not doing as good as you think you are. This may sound harsh but I want you to consider it carefully. Please don’t take my tone as harsh because it is not, I am just very plain spoken.”

    Right of the bat he assumes she is a Christian. He had to start with that because she doesn’t really sound like a Christian, but he will give her the benefit of the doubt. Getting yelled at must mean you aren’t a Christian, because good Christian girls don’t get yelled at.

    “Quit being your husbands enemy and he will quit treating you like one. If your husband is yelling at you, maybe it’s because you are not listening to him the first (10) times he tells you something. Do what he says the first time and he will not have to repeat it louder next time. Believe me when I tell you that he does not want to be yelling any more than you want him yelling but that is what overwhelming frustration does to some men. I am not saying it’s right; it’s wrong but it’s reality.”

    Wow, lets just assume she is being his enemy even though she says she is being honorable and respectable. I mean she didn’t really give any cause to make us think she is the enemy. Only those who think women are always 100% at fault would suggest she is the enemy. I think a lot of women would feel the same way. Wishing they could just ask a man to do something once so she doesn’t have to turn into a nag. Men often don’t get it right the first time either. So, sorry everyone, but both men and women suck, Okay. We all fall short.

    “When a man shows anger, it’s often his reaction to pain and/or frustration. If he is directing his anger towards you, then you are most likely causing him pain and/or blocking his goals.”

    Right, but when a woman shows anger it never is for any practical purpose, because women aren’t allowed to feel or express pain and frustration. If a woman isn’t respecting, could it be because he is causing her pain? Nope, because a woman is to submit/respect in ALL things. While a man has free license to go around acting like an asshole. It doesn’t say men have to lead or love in ALL Things. Its all part of God’s beautiful design.

    “His angry reactions are sinful (no doubt), but without your sinful actions (contention, disobedience, rebellion) being there in the first place, he would have nothing to wrongly react to.”

    In other words, “she started it”. Women are responsible for man’s actions. He wouldn’t be sinning back in anger if she didn’t start it. Like Adam telling God “the woman you gave me, she made me eat the fruit”. So many assumptions are made from this woman’s short comment. All she said is she is constantly being yelled at and its assumed it must be because of her sinful actions, not because her husband may simply be an asshole. It like the liberals who can’t say “radical extremist Muslims”. Christians can never just say sometimes men can be assholes. Sometimes men suck, just like women. It happens.

    “Christian women need to understand that THEY are most often causing the problems in their marriage. They are not obeying God and treating their husband properly (as God has commanded) and are thereby the root cause of the marital problems.”

    Nope. I firmly believe both men and women cause problems in marriage. In my past, nothing I did solely fixed the problems. It takes two.

    “Are you tired of arguing with your husband? Then (do what Lori did with Ken and) quit arguing with him. It really is that simple. Ladies, you hold the keys to your successful (or horrible) marriage. Even if your man has the patience of Job and can suffer silently in the face of all of your sin (contention and disrespect and disobedience and rebellion and pride and stubbornness), your marriage will still not be blessed and experience true intimacy until you start doing it right (God’s way).”

    Yes, quit arguing and if you are a woman suffer in silence, because that is much more healthy. Merely shutting up is not going to solve the tensions and underlying problem. He says men suffering in silence doesn’t work, but it apparently works if women do it. The marriage is not blessed if men are forced to suffer in silence, but it its the woman who suffers in silence, its the marriage of your dreams!

    “Many men can’t do that (suffer silently) by the way, but even if they are not outspoken about it, that does not mean that you are not hurting them. You are just killing them slowly like one of the posters above said. He is not exaggerating one bit. It is a slow and excruciatingly painful death living with a woman who claims to be a Christian but acts like the devil and no matter what the man does it will never get better until you start doing it right.”

    And so how does he think this feels for a woman? Are women not human with the same emotions and feelings? It has been said elsewhere that women aren’t allowed to feel like they are “dying in the inside”, but if men feel the “slow and excruciating painful death” then we are suppose to rush to their side gushing with empathy.

    “What is doing it right? Listen to what Lori and Debi Pearl are trying to teach you about what God commands you. Start with RESPECT. (Eph. 5:33) Look it up in the dictionary and learn what it means. Admire them, think highly of them and treat them well. If your husband felt respected by you, it is hard to imagine that he would be yelling at you. Men tend to give respect where they get it.”

    Not if he is an asshole with anger problems and/or drinking problems. Sometimes people just yell because that is the only way they know how to respond. In feel good Christian theory, its nice to think that if you just treat someone a certain way they will treat you the same way back.

    “SUBMIT to your husband in EVERYTHING. (Eph. 5:22) Seriously, what is not included in EVERYTHING. The only thing is sin. If he is asking you to go and rob banks and kill people with him and be Bonnie to his Clyde, then meekly, gently and respectfully tell him that you cannot do that because it violates Gods word and quote the scripture verses and then ask him if there is some other activity that you guys can do together because you love spending time with him but robbing and murder violates Gods commands. Other than sin, everything means EVERYTHING. If you are submitting to your husband in everything, what could he possibly have to yell at you about about?”

    How is this for a response, “Honey, that’s really a sweet thought wanting to be Bonnie and Clyde together, but I don’t think God would like that. Remember (insert scripture here).  Let’s think of another activity we can do together!” LOL, sure folks, it works just like that. Because a man who thinks in criminal ways and has criminal intentions will just easily go, “sure let’s go to the movies instead”.

    “How seriously are you supposed to submit to him in everything? Just as you would to Jesus Christ Himself. (Eph. 5:24) Are you treating your husband the same way (honor, obedience, meekness, gentleness, respect, reverence) that you would treat Jesus if he were physically living in the same house with you? Heck, a lot of women don’t even treat their husbands with the same kindness they would treat some random stranger with but just can’t for the life of them figure out why their husbands don’t shower them with love and affection. Some women (ones with passive-aggressive personalities) can be very kind and agreeable to their husbands on the surface but drive them utterly insane with their subversive actions. If you were treating your husband like you would treat Jesus, would he really be yelling at you?”

    It doesn’t matter if she says she is treating him this way, does it? She claims she was being honorable and respectable, but of course that isn’t true. Clearly if he is yelling she must not be acting respectful ENOUGH. It’s never because she can be doing all these things and he is just an asshole. Yes, the bible says to respect your husband and it also says to love your wives. The woman is suppose to lead the relationship by respecting him first and then he follows in love. Men for the life of them can’t just figure out why women won’t respect them. Maybe they aren’t feeling the love they are suppose to get just as the men aren’t getting the respect he is suppose to get and there is this ugly standoff. Of course we all know of the horrors of women who don’t feeeeeel loved. Its a big no-no to say you don’ feel loved by your husband because of course you are making it all up in you head. However, for men who don’t feeeeeeel respected, we are suppose to take this very seriously.

    “Again, the bottom line, quit being your husbands enemy and he will quit treating you like one. Become his true helpmeet and he will start treating you like a rare and precious gift to be cherished. He will treat you as if your value is far above rubies because at that point, it will be.”

    Again, the huge assumption that she is being his enemy. Because she gets yelled at she must be the enemy. What if women said “become her true leader and she will start treating you like a rare and precious gift”?

    If this woman truly isn’t being good enough at being respectful, then her husband must learn how to communicate to clearly point out to her what she is doing wrong. Men hate having to read woman’s minds. Women hate the same thing. This is how it becomes the responsibility of both. If she asks him “what am I doing wrong?” and all he can do is yell back. At that point, it is totally on the husband to learn how to communicate better. She did her part. Come to think of it, this relationship, like so many others, does indeed have a communication problem because if this woman has to come online to ask this question and its possible is even too afraid to even ask him. That says a lot. I’ve noticed that often. Couples can’t just ask each other directly what they each need. Rather, they have to go to advice blogs and get supposed answers from random strangers.

    Bottom line – Doing your best as a woman, the weaker sex, is not good enough. You have to be perfect in your respect and submission or expect to be yelled at.

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13 thoughts on “If you are Yelled at by your Husband, you Must be the Enemy

  1. “Lori Alexander10 hours ago
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    Thank you, Trey, for being one of the few verified purchases with an honest review of the book. All of the verified purchases to date have given my book 5 stars and I am appreciate your words very much!”

    Haha iow a correct review! If you like the book you are honest. If you don’t like it, dishonest.

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  2. Lori has a new 5 star review today and get a load of this:
    “Women, is your marriage in shambles? Chances are high that it’s your fault for not doing it God’s way. He designed marriage and He tells you plainly how it is to be done in His word. Sure, it’s easier to just blame everything on your husband but if you are not obeying Gods word, it matters little what your husband does. Until you obey God, He will not bless your marriage. Women, you hold the keys to your marriage. All you have to do is get past your pride and give God’s way a try. You have nothing to loose and everything to gain.”

    Relates so well to this post. Getting yelled at in your marriage? Chances are high that its your fault for not doing it God’s way. And even if you claim you are obeying God’s word and still getting yelled out, still have a shitty marriage, you will never be believed. This whole idea too that women hold the keys makes her the leader as well. She alone can lead the marriage through the pearly gates of heavenly bliss with her magical key. The man is more the innocent victim and just has to wait around till the woman is ready to use her key.

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  3. Of course, it just means husbands are always sinless and if they have any reason to find fault, it is the wife’s fault. Look at one of LeeleeinBabylon’s old posts about her husband yelling at her in public, at a restaurant because their toddler tipped food over. She was supposed to be watching the child and was remiss in her duties, so of course she was the enemy.

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  4. Also, there are such things as mental illness.

    An old friend was rage-y bipolar, and it cost him two marriages before he got diagnosed.

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  5. “If you were treating your husband like you would treat Jesus, would he really be yelling at you?”

    Um….yeah….because he’s not God. Jesus was God, second Person of the Trinity to be exact. Therefore He is without sin and without a fallen nature, Mr. Brilliant.

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  6. Same advice I got. Did me loads of good (not). I saw the response of “another” and it just about broke my heart. She sounded pretty bitter, and I can’t blame her. A nice long scold from yet another man about what a horrible woman she obviously must be.

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  7. I like St. Augustine’s view of this better than Lori Alexander’s and her crew.

    “It is not divine truth that makes the man seem more innocent in what is equally sinful, but human wrongheadedness.” IOW, just because the man is the head doesn’t mean all his actions are to be regarded as Christlike while hers are sin.

    He also says

    ” For Christ speaks inwardly in her [the wife’s] heart, and consoles his daughter with words like this: ‘Are you distressed about your husband’s wrongful behaviour, what he has done to you? Grieve, but don’t imitate him and behave badly yourself, but let him imitate you in behaving well. In so far as he behaves badly, don’t regard him as your head, but me”. (Sermon 9, 11)”

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