Godly Women · Traditionalist Bird

Frugality for Thee, but not for Me

In 2014 Lori said she has lived 55 years without a cell phone and there is no need for such an expensive thing:

55-years-without-a-cell-phone

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/04/laines-letters-and-paying-off-debt-part.html

Two years later she writes about her iphone being broken, LOL:

iphonelori

https://thetransformedwife.com/holding-hands-and-laughing/

I guess somewhere in those two years she had a “Frugal oooops” or God told her to get the phone and now expensive things are necessary. This comes on the heels of writing twice this week that women shouldn’t buy expensive things and children shouldn’t be pampered. But as usual the double standard applies. What she tells younger women does not apply to her.

Another great example of why I will never take advice from a godly woman again. They have have no credibility and say one thing and do another. This is also why real life relationships are critical as you can so much easily match up what a person is saying to their real life circumstances. She promotes herself as the queen of frugality and basically shames other women if they aren’t equally as frugal, but when no one is looking she then goes out and gets an iphone. I don’t care about people having smartphones, but the frugal choice would have been to get an android. The expensive phone is also already broken. I have never had a problem with my more cheaper droid phones.

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17 thoughts on “Frugality for Thee, but not for Me

  1. Well, the babysitter thing is chicken/egg, because if kids are acceptable in the wider social sphere, then there’s more mixing between parents and singles. But if they’re not, parents get more defensive and it becomes an arms race.

    That is true, but IME parents are usually weirded out by people who don’t have kids who are accepting of them. I had single mom friends from years back who’d bring their toddlers with to hang out at the mall and they were surprised that I accepted the. I’ve noticed single moms tend to be more open than married couples.

    You know what I think the problem is? American culture. Too much nuclearizing of immediate families and hardly anyone knows their 1st cousins or 2nd cousins, and without an extended family where else are people going to come from who can provide childcare or teach about children? Finances are often a shared familial expense as well. People in my ethnic background sell their used items, like cell phones, to family members who need it but don’t want to pay the most current sticker price. There’s a lot of commodity sharing and exchange, and no one bats an eye at it.

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  2. Stone said:

    “Oh yes, that was me. I have no babysitting experience and wasn’t expected to work at all through school, although I did a bit of retail in late high school. Cuz ya know, running a cash register is more respectful than taking care of kids….sigh the madness.”

    I spent a lot of time with younger siblings (probably from when Baby Brother was 2-3 up–but entertainment/education rather than care), but what I didn’t quite realize until I had children of my own was that I didn’t have any 0-2 experience. It’s understandable why older kids aren’t trusted with 0-2s, but something to keep in mind (without going full Duggar and handing infants over to older sisters to take care of at night).

    I suspect it’s not that unusual for serious Christian young women to expect to have large families–without having any small child experience.

    I’ve tried to treat Baby Girl as an educational experience for my big kids and talked to them about child development, appropriate expectations for Baby Girl, and Baby Girl management and they have official (time-limited) Baby Girl duties. Again, they probably don’t have a clear picture of 0-2, but I think they have a pretty good sense of 3-4.

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  3. “There’s also the incredibly low status babysitting has among many middle class parents, overlapping with “my child’s JOB is SCHOOL!”.

    Oh yes, that was me. I have no babysitting experience and wasn’t expected to work at all through school, although I did a bit of retail in late high school. Cuz ya know, running a cash register is more respectful than taking care of kids….sigh the madness.

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  4. Well, the babysitter thing is chicken/egg, because if kids are acceptable in the wider social sphere, then there’s more mixing between parents and singles. But if they’re not, parents get more defensive and it becomes an arms race. And parents lose, since the arms race is itself a sign that children aren’t acceptable in the wider society, so they’ll have more weight on them than parents in child-friendly societies, leaving them less spare energy to carve out alternatives.

    There’s also the incredibly low status babysitting has among many middle class parents, overlapping with “my child’s JOB is SCHOOL!”.

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  5. Maea,

    I forgot to say that you’re quite right to mention the babysitter issue.

    It’s FAR more expensive for a couple with children to do a night out (even a budget night out) than it is for a childless couple–while at the same time, that couple will have a much tighter budget (all things being equal). Not to mention the difficulty of acquiring said babysitter. I’m currently prepping Big Girl to be a sitter for us–with the idea of an ice cream date sometime summer 2017. I can’t quite recall when my husband and I last went out somewhere in the evening without any children, but I believe it was probably at some point in 2015 when MIL was in town. The last movie we went out to was definitely 2+ years ago.

    (We do have lunchtime date opportunities that a lot of couples don’t, though, because our life is pretty geographically compact.)

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  6. Maea,

    I think I’d also blame small family size for the parent/non-parent segregation.

    I think small family size (plus fragmented families) also drives a lot of manosphere weirdness. When you have a VERY small family and know a very limited number of adult men and women closely, it’s easy to make generalizations that a person from a larger, more diverse family would not make.

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  7. I suppose this is a natural consequence of the extreme social segregation of parents and non-parents.

    There’s also the issue of finances. The finances of parents are different than those of non-parents, and a lot of it goes to where they choose to put their money. There’s a reason why there’s extreme social segregation, and part of it’s because parents can’t always afford to provide for a babysitter to hang out with non-parents. Also, based on my own observations, a lot of parents consider hanging out with people like me (a non-parent, albeit married) to be a waste of time.

    When people who aren’t parents get the impression over and over that we can’t get it and we’re just a waste of time, well– why shouldn’t we expect the extreme social segregation?

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  8. Amy,
    That is a good point. I certainly get what its like to have no help or time for yourself. Things are better now, but there was a long period when lived far away from any family and as far as friends, well they all have their own families and troubles. Family across the country has about 20 cousins and another 30 or so extended family and they are always taking turns babysitting, lending a hand, bringing home cooked meals when there is a new born, stuff like that, but for those those who don’t have family near by or estranged relationships its can be quite isolating.
    This whole topic seems like and offshoot of the mommy wars…its the parenthood vs. single wars..

    One of the comments on the article said since the internet you just hear about a lot more people complaining since the venues for such are endless. Point being people have always complained its just much more in your face now. It was more kept to close friends or diaries, but it doesn’t mean that times back when were simpler or less of a struggle.

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  9. TPC said:

    “Eh, I am not a fan of single people complaining about parents complaining and then not offering any assistance, just judging from afar, as the woman in that article does. There is something larger going on with the backlash to parents (moms, really) complaining. It’s getting significantly more vicious and it appears to have ramped up precisely as more people are complaining simply because they are finding out they aren’t the only ones having problems/struggles despite being “comfortable and middle class”. I note that the writer of the piece is certainly not rushing off to provide or pay for child care to the desperate parents she links to as “deserving” to complain.”

    I haven’t read the piece yet, but isn’t that a standard?

    “You don’t have any problems worth complaining about, because people starving in 3rd world countries have it way worse.”

    *does nothing about people starving in 3rd world countries.”

    Also, come to think of it, isn’t this a two-step process?

    1. What are parents always complaining about?

    2. Have kids.

    3. Whyyyyy didn’t anybody teeeeell meeee it was going to be sooooo HAAAAARD?

    I suppose this is a natural consequence of the extreme social segregation of parents and non-parents.

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  10. Stone said: “No time for sex, but gee running that blog, lots of time for that. It is hilarious. All a matter of priorities I suppose.”

    Well, timing is an issue. There might well be time for the blog at a time where one spouse is not home, but not sex (as sex ideally involves two people).

    Worst case scenario, the spouses might need to keep completely different hours.

    Also, you can blog with kids in the same room…

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  11. Eh, I am not a fan of single people complaining about parents complaining and then not offering any assistance, just judging from afar, as the woman in that article does. There is something larger going on with the backlash to parents (moms, really) complaining. It’s getting significantly more vicious and it appears to have ramped up precisely as more people are complaining simply because they are finding out they aren’t the only ones having problems/struggles despite being “comfortable and middle class”. I note that the writer of the piece is certainly not rushing off to provide or pay for child care to the desperate parents she links to as “deserving” to complain.

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  12. Maea,
    Thanks, that looks fun to slowly go through. Off the bat, this:
    “My Facebook feed goes wild for this stuff. “So true!” my friends write over and over again, because apparently parents never get their houses clean, never have sex, never read books or have adult conversations, never shower, and never, ever have a moment to themselves. (Somehow they do find the time to blog.)”

    LOL, on the blogging line…and to be funny I’ll just say “so true”. No time for sex, but gee running that blog, lots of time for that. It is hilarious. All a matter of priorities I suppose.

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  13. A lot of it is either coming from people who are quite poor and have no choice but to be frugal or from people who aren’t actually pinching pennies as much as they claim to be.

    This isn’t limited to religious people, either. Secular blogs and posts from secular people, even liberal-oriented people will say the same things. I was recently reading a secular blog posting about why my generation won’t get married and have kids, and the discussion blew up. People were posting how my generation is too self-absorbed and selfish to know anything about personal and financial sacrifice. One commenter was adamant about convincing everyone who she was able to only make 30K and afford 4 houses over the course of 20 years and have a family. Other people made similar comments and then another commenter called them out by stating they wouldn’t admit it, but they probably had resources on hand to help them be frugal and have a family, such as parental help.

    After that person’s statement, NO ONE had anything to say to refute them, out of 100+ comments. Hmm…

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  14. or they tell you how you can live on 30K a year 6 + kids because some family did it 30 years ago, but they don’t adjust that number for inflation.

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  15. The online advice on “godly” frugality should be almost completely disregarded . A lot of it is either coming from people who are quite poor and have no choice but to be frugal or from people who aren’t actually pinching pennies as much as they claim to be. And of course people leave out relevant informations like that they feed their kids cheap junk to make it on their budget or that their house should be condemned, or that grandma gave them a house to live in.

    Lori contradicts herself on a regular basis. I was laughing at her comment about how women shouldn’t wear jewelry and her picture beside it of her wearing jewelry. That jewelry might not be expensive to her but it might be extravagant to someone else. It really isn’t her place to tell someone else what they should or shouldn’t buy, especially when financial situations and needs vary so widely.

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