There has been a lot of discussion on this blog regarding certain men who are insisting that women are basically the ones who need to be the first to initiate interest in a man. Myself and others have agreed that this flies in the face of tradition and if you want a traditional woman, she hasn’t been groomed to take initiative and be assertive, especially so in the dating arena. The women certain men claim they want are the ones with a “meek and quiet spirit”. Not the ballsy girl who goes up and asks men out on dates. There is a big gap between what they want in theory and what they want in practice. A woman being the first to initiate interest spearheads the relationship with her as the leader. It sets a tone and precedence.
With that said, this match.com survey is interesting:
Among single men ages 18 to 70+, the national survey released last December found 95 percent are in favor of a woman initiating the first kiss and also asking for a guy’s phone number. But only 29 percent of women actually initiate the first kiss and 13 percent of women ask for a man’s number.
Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and chief scientific adviser for Match who worked on the study and analyzed the findings, said the facts are part of a larger trend where women are “piling into the job market, gaining economically, and gaining sexually and socially.”
“Men say that feminism has really made dating easier, safer and more enjoyable for them,” Fisher said.
As it turns out the men are right. Clearly, men want women to be the initiators; however, before they get too giddy about being right they do need to give their thanks to feminism for taking the dating pressure off men. Maybe feminism has or certainly will help in men experiencing less “nuclear rejection”. When you don’t take risks and rely on the woman to do all the work it certainly does making dating “easier, safer and more enjoyable”. The larger message is the majority of men are no more comfortable in their cookie-cutter traditional, leadership roles than women are comfortable in being submissive housewives.
The survey also found that the No. 1 turn-on for single men was female entrepreneurs.
“I began to think why is it? What is an entrepreneur? They’re daring, they’re creative, they’re conscientious. They’re going to have some time off because they’re their own boss. It makes sense,” Fisher said.
You mean being a submissive,housewife isn’t the No. 1 turn on? Whoda thunk it. Beneath all the traditional, sentimental talk about wanting a submissive woman in theory, what they want in practice is a daring entrepreneur. They want a leader because it makes dating and a future marriage easier, safer, and more enjoyable for them.
The lesson here for single young women is unless you plan to find a man in your tight knit church community, you are going to have loosen up that “meek and quiet” unassertive, unassuming demeanor you were raised with and become more like an entrepreneur. Be daring! The lesson for traditional moms with daughters who are starting to date is just as troubling.